A Lovers' Tiff
by Solsbury Girl
Summary: Ianto is rightfully angry with Jack and doesn't hesitate to tell him so.


**A Lovers' Tiff**

"Jack and Ianto are pretty late this morning," observed Owen thirstily from the depths of the autopsy bay.

Gwen consulted her watch, and Tosh looked at the time displayed in the bottom right hand corner of her PC screen. The girls exchanged glances.

"They are, rather," said Gwen, slight worry sounding in her voice.

"I hope nothing has happened." commented Tosh. "They are normally first in."

"Probably nothing, just overslept or something." offered Gwen reassuringly.

At that moment, the cog door opened and Jack made a somewhat theatrical entrance, his coat billowing behind him. He threw himself down on the couch under the Torchwood sign and sat breathing noisily.

"Jack, are you OK?" asked Tosh, noticing that Jack was perspiring heavily.

Owen heard the question and realised that perhaps, as team doctor, his presence might be required. He walked with a measured step up from the autopsy bay and across to Jack. His practised eye took in the scene in front of him. "You haven't just had sex with the Tea Boy in the corridor, have you?" he asked. Jack batted Owen away as the doctor tried to take his pulse.

"No, I haven't. And I wouldn't tell you if I had." he said. "Leave me alone, I am fine."

"Well, you don't look it, and you don't sound it." observed Owen, stepping back. "And, anyhow, I'd find it on the security cameras...."

At that moment, Ianto entered the Hub, bearing a tray of coffee. He distributed everyone else's before banging Jack's blue and white striped mug down on the table so hard that it surprised Tosh that it didn't break.

Ianto too was flushed, and breathing quite hard.

"OK, OK. What's going on?" demanded Owen. "Unless there is a weevil in the boot of the SUV that you two stopped off to chase on the way in, I would like to know what has been happening."

"Ask him!" said Ianto, pointing an accusing finger at Jack.

Jack failed, despite trying, to look a picture of innocence. "It was such a nice morning, we decided to walk in to work."

Ianto folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. "No, if you are going to fib, you'll have to try harder. And you might as well come clean and tell the truth because you need me to sort this out for you."

"Well, we did walk in." Jack then looked across at Gwen. "Actually, I was going to have a word with Gwen and see if she could get Andy Davidson to do something."

"Jack," Ianto stalled him. "He's not traffic."

"Just a thought," muttered Jack.

"So," said Gwen. "What did you think PC Andy could help you with?"

Before Jack could reply, Ianto began. "Jack is a complete idiot. He might be able to save the world, but he is not much good at saving his own arse. He always needs me for that."

"What did you do, Jack?" asked Tosh.

At that moment, the Rift alarm sounded.

"Weevil sighting in Bute Town!" said Owen, looking over Tosh's shoulder at the screen in excitement. "Come on, let's get down to the SUV. Haven't had a good chase in ages."

Ianto stared hard at Jack. "Tell him, Jack."

"Tell him what?" asked Owen.

Jack bowed his head into his hands. "The SUV is gone."

"Gone?" asked Owen, incredulously. "Gone where? It can't just disappear!"

Before Jack could wriggle any more, or try for sympathy, Ianto took over. "It has been impounded by the Cardiff police. It was parked illegally."

"Didn't you have the SUV last night, Jack?" asked Gwen.

"Yep," said Ianto. Jack remained quiet. "He drove it round to mine."

Petulantly, Jack said "Parking is hell near your house. I found the ideal spot. It was perfect. A quiet little lane."

"Yes," said Ianto, in frustration. "How long have you lived on earth? You've witnessed the development of the motor car. You can't even blame not being able to speak Welsh. Just tell the others the name of that quiet little lane from which the police towed the SUV to the pound!"

Jack muttered something that no one heard.

"Pardon?" said Ianto. "We didn't get that."

"I said," repeated Jack, "it was called 'Bus Lane'".


End file.
